Just watched a video from Youtube by Butterworks titled 'In love, again' and I felt sour for a moment. Then it somehow rang a bell in my head that I have a blog which I have not updated since May last year. Wow, that's like 18 months of not blogging. So I started working my brain and realised I only post when I feel down. It's not like I've not been feeling down for the past 18 months. I just did something else instead of blogging them.
Alright, a few updates here. I'm officially a graduate from Deakin University!! who will also continue her Masters degree in Deakin University and.. I'm a member of a professional body too. Well, I am currently unemployed so things aren't going smoothly for me. Technically speaking, I just graduated 3 weeks ago so no stress but I can't wait to gain working experience and earn some moolah... Okay okay, enough ranting about being unemployed. I'm pretty sure I will get a job soon when I come back next year.
Time to move on to my love life. I met a guy named Sxxx on the 16th of May and that was it. The end. LOL!! Sorry, I was just trolling. Nah, it was kind of just that and end of story but we added each other on Facebook like many people do and he started texting me which I replied as usual (I'm the person who responds as soon as I received the messages because I'm forgetful - not sure if he thinks I like him at that time). Occasional texting became a daily thing and going out with him became almost a weekly thing (since I'm a rather quiet and lonely person who studies all the time a.k.a nerd, he became a tiny part of my life). It was just that, I treated him as a friend, just like an older brother because he was older than I am by quite a few years.
But one night, things happens.. I developed feelings for him uncontrollably (well, you know nobody can control such feelings and I have never felt such for so many years so it felt strangely magical). He was perfect at least for me, just the right guy 100% but... things don't happen the way we want to, am I right? And you can't force things to go our way so I continued my life as usual but I was absolutely confused, probably going mental because of his actions and what he said to me. I was like, does he like me or does he not? But I am quite certain he just wanted a fling and not being tied to a relationship.
Both of us have different objectives so we parted, we are not even friends anymore. Surprising, right? Not really. I am totally not the kind of person who will delete someone on Facebook just because I'm done with him. I treasure person to person relationships. Would totally keep the person as a friend even if we don't contact each other often. However, he was the one who deleted me on Facebook. How did I find out? I was doing my revision at the library during exam week and was taking a 5 minute break scrolling through my Facebook profile and noticed the number of friends was reduced by one. I wondered if I remembered the number incorrectly so I scrolled through my friends list and noticed he was not there. The first thought was, maybe there was a technical error. Let me type in his name.
WOW, he deleted me from his friends list. That did not come to my mind when we were having some sort of disagreement. What a dick move. I'm sorry but I'm going to say it. What a 'gentleman'? Yes, he is a gentleman, he is a nice guy but deleting a 'friend' from facebook without even resolving the issue? Not so much of a nice guy after all. He probably never thought of me as friend anyway. Probably just a young girl for him to play with.
I must admit though, that I wasn't myself when I started to have feelings for him. I might have behaved strangely and don't blame him if he thought I was weird but running away from reality just shows he is not mature enough. I kind of tested him a couple of times to see if he is the person who will face an issue or avoiding it. He always chose the latter. That kinds of explain his dick move of deleting me from his friends list because he was not strong enough to resolve the matter with me. It is either that or he just couldn't bother to waste his time to face the shit with me. I have a strong feeling that he just couldn't be bothered to do so.
Oh well, maybe this is my karma for rejecting a number of guys who were after me the past few years. The topic of love is just complicated. When I wanted to enjoy my single life, people fall for me. When I actually like a person, the person doesn't me. I'm going to revert back to my enjoyable single life but when I did that, someone else likes me whom I have no feelings for (did my taichi style of rejecting like a boss ;) I thought to myself, how will I react if I happen to bump into him in the streets? As someone with manners, I guess I'd probably just say Hi and that's it. If we talked, it'll be just normal conversations. If we happen to talk about the past, I might talk about him deleting me. I do thank him for bringing me the joy and happiness for a few months but when the time comes to an end, nothing can stop it. It's just a pity that even the friendship ends too. That's what I'm sour about. He probably has his reasons doing so just as I have my reasons for every thing I say and do. I'm not going to question it, just going to keep this as a memory and a reminder to self not to be so naive.
I'm done with updating... This is just the summary, I'm keeping the bits and details to myself :)
Shall update again whenever my memory tells me I still have an ongoing blog awaiting for my posts-
